Stupid things people have actually said to you.

[Queen Firey-Bou]

~~~"Oh you dont do x" ~~~

this really annoys me, some people just don't realise it they have such a patronising negative outlook, it gets peoples hackles up imediately, so people are rude to them, self fufilling prophesy;

eg,
walks into shop; " you don't sell papers do you?"
"yes we do , theyre over there"
"oh.... but you don't have the one IIIII want, in the correct shade of blue with tassles on do you "

liek today a woman marched in then pronounced very loudly to her husband without actually looking at any shelves " they don't have any cakes i like " then stomped out,
we have about 9 metres of shelving with every cake imaginable, 3 metres freshly baked that morning.
Why ? whats the point in them opening their mouths? why ?

[sixmo]

Taxi driver started telling me about a documentary programme he had seen the night before "The plane was half way across the Atlantic and they'd run out of fuel. I didn't see the ending". He then went on to talk about some terrible Frank Skinner gag about identifying aircrash victims from their dental records. I was starting to feel a little uncomfortable at this point and asked him to remind me where he was bringing me. "The airport?... oh yeah... that probably wasn't very appropriate...". So, it turns out it wasn't out of mischief that he was freaking me out, it was just him being a bit on the thick side.

Needless to say, he did not get a tip.  

[Doc_Holliday]

my new id got set up by the I.T. cats in my new job last year, i couldn't sign in to the network though. i had another look and noticed that they'd horribly misspelled my name, putting in a W though there are none in my first or second name.

Called I.T.

an I.T. person came down. she said was i sure i was typing the password correctly. i looked at the screen, pointed, and said "er... there's no W in my name."
and she said...


wait for it...




"Are you sure?"

true story.

[sixmo]

Sadly Doc H, in the world of IT you have actually got to ask these kind of questions, just in case it's the one time you're dealing with some high powered executive type earning loads of kablammos more than you, and they can't spell their own name correctly. (nb. I am in no way suggesting that you can't spell your own name correctly, but I may be suggesting you're some kind of high powered executive, if you like).

I recently had the pleasure to deal with someone who had no understanding of the concepts of date and time. I was trying to get him to change the clock on his PC to the correct time, and he couldn't understand why I was getting upset when he was insisting that the clock was currently reading 28.56AM, and that this time was correct. He also didn't understand that it would be more helpful to change the date to whatever the current date was, as opposed to whatever arbitrary day and year popped into his head right then and there. I also had to remind him what the current date was over and over again,....and the YEAR! Remarkable human being. I still don't know how he manages to put his pants on the right way round every day.

[Queen Firey-Bou]

this is not a stupid said thing, but a halarious thing that happened at work related to pant wearing;


i was feeling really ill & coughing painfully, my colluege was feeling in pain , our part time busy body hyper nagging merchandise elderly type lady came down to check we'd checked off a lorry load of groceries properly, when as she bussled about tapping her clip board, ,my male colleuge, noticed something appearing from out of her trouser leg... out popped, yes,

her pants.


oh how we laughed.



and laughed.


and laughed.

[therev]

Oh one I get from people in other offices every 3rd or 4th phone call...

me: Hello District Payments Team?
them: Is that District Payments Team?

EVERY 10 min's...
EVERY funting day...

From people who are a higher grade than me, know me, speak to me every day and get paid more than me. I pitty da fool who's signing on in South East London, the advisors are thick (90% of the time is down to being over worked and no training + TARGETS but a good proportion are THICK STUPID IDIO...##// Rant Mode continues for another 4 pages...//##....


#ahem#

Sorry works just getting on my tits at the moment. Mind you I did go through a phase of answering the phone as "District Playmates Team", "District Laments?" or (said fast) "Distict Whale-meats Team". Perhaps that confused them.
The joy of being a civil servant.

[Tanky]

heh! quality!

My housemate went to the opticians today, seems his contacts are not working for him. So, having had this problem a few times he decides to give the innocent optician a piece of his mind. Optician does a quick test and discovers he's been putting his lenses in back to front AND in the wrong eyes too. So now he has to have the boxes labelled 'left' and 'right'!

bloody idiot!

[Queen Firey-Bou]

ahh rev, i had a fun (not) phone call to district revenues yesterday regarding them deciding theres been an overpayment of HBen upon, recieving my accounts which show an annual LOSS.
 Yes it was a very long call, where i the thick empoverished proll was sustancially more proffessional that the civil servant dealing with me. which is a pain, as i consider it my right to scream & swear like a banshee to these scum-fashists.
I had to remind her that it was not something to be taken personally and that as the person answering the phone she should be trained to deal with claim appeals & accept responsibility on behalf of her department & if she didnt know how to do that then could i speak to someone who did?  after over half an hour some minute bit of training peeped thru & she remembered "the apology", yes, good girl.
"someone sent you those cheques by accident.....are you saying I made a mistake!?"

very good dear.

[Noisybast]

Don't get me started on work-based stupid sayings.



Dammit, you've got me started...


ME: Well-known cable internet company Technical support, Noisybast speaking, can I take your name please?

IDIOT CUSTOMER: Er... John Smith

ME: OK Mr Smith - Can I have your username please?

IC: John Smith

ME: Er, no Mr Smith, I need your cable company username...

IC: Ooooooohhh. smiffy348@theinternet.co.uk?

ME: That's your email address. Your username is printed on the card we sent you.

IC: Oh riiight. I threw that away.

ME: Of course you did. Account number?

IC: No.

ME: Telephone?

IC: 07949...

ME: We don't keep a record of your mobile number. Can I take your land line, please?

IC: Ain't got one.

ME: sob!

and so on...

Link: And on a related note...

[therev]

Bou'
Yeah I read that on another thread.
:-(

Doesnt surprise me I know in my Department it's a case of "your doing that job, the trainings on the job, now deal with the customer, all the managers are in an all day meeting to discuss what we can do about the staffing problems" but then I work in Inner London Jobcentre and staff turnover is quite high. Especially when we have a fatal stabbing last week outside one of our offices and the poor bloke stumbled into the office and the staff saw everything...times like these I hate being a Union rep' and having to deal with people it was all very grim, anyway I digress, I always applogise THEN ask what I can do to help ;-) think it's the only way really!

Housing Benefit officers are all skum...no actually they are on (usually) shit wages as the company employing them put in the lowest tender as they're employed usually by local council.

In my 14 years working for the Dept' I'd say who more annoying problem clients or other members of staff...50/50 I'd say.



Another one I get alot is "this blokes done no paperwork, I forgot to interview him, the college dont know he's supposed to be starting with them, he's due his money today and I'm off home as I'm part time can you sort it out for me?"
No, your in one office, I'm 10 miles away in another & we're speaking over the phone.
I work on a team of 3 to cover 8 offices and almost 120 other Advisors covering almost 10 thousand clients..DO YER FUNTING JOB YOU...//#RANT Mode kicks in again...and promptly melts #//...
mEsSAgE eNdS

[Queen Firey-Bou]

ahhh apologies for ;
a) repeating myself, but i am flu-brained, angsty about it & jelly brained not to mention brainless at the mo.

b) being mean about people in a shitty job, cos we can all have shitty jobs & shitty days (but not on my watch soldier!).

thats nasty about the stabbing. sorry to hear you had to deal with that.

still that woman was being ...untrained & unproffesional, so she should have handed me to some uber bitch to deal with , but then the uber bitch has probably told her not to. anyway , i am the reasonable one & even tho i was fuming & upset , I did end the call with a 'Thankyou for your help' , without Tooo much sarcasm.

[test 4 echo]

I had to call a well known cable internet company once....

tech: what operating system are you using?
me: win 98 and 2000 in a dual boot system, and the problem is the same in both.
tech: what? you have one PC with 2 monitors running 98 and 2000 at the same time?
me: is there someone else i can talk to?

Also had reason to call British gas.
Hello, this gas bill you sent me, there must be a mistake.

Really why?

Because there is no gas supply to this property.

Are you sure?

Yes.

What type of cooker do you use?

Electric.

You have heating?

Yes electric, i even have lights that come on when i press a switch.

Well the problem is my computer says you owe us for the gas you used for the last 3 months.

I have a letter here saying you will only connect this property to the gas main if i pay you ?9000. Are you sure I could use gas before i get connected?

Well my computer...etc

Believe it or not it took 7 months and a solicitor to sort this out.

[Dudley]

Them: Hello, Buchanan, Clark and Bastard solicitors, how can I direct your call?

Me: Oh, hi, you've been sending threatening letters to the person who used to live here because they owe your client V-mobile money.

Them: Oh yes, we're getting a court order against you next week.

Me: But I've phoned and written to both you and your client, pointing out that Miss UnfeasiblylongBulgarianname no longer lives here.  I've sent you a copy of our tenancy agreement, I've provided utility bills, and given you the name of the landlord.

Them: Well, I'm afraid that until the lady in question contacts us we have to continue to proceed against you because this is her last known address.

Me: Eh???????

[chimpanzor]

Best one at tesco is where you're stood next to the beer/milk/cheese/sugar, and some fop runs up to yer and asks where the beer/milk/cheese/sugar is... a good one, before we got assimilated by tesco and we were still happy Day n Nite, our beer and wine section was right down the middle of the top part of the store, opposite the tills. You pretty much HAVE to look at it if you walk into the shop, unless somehow you could walk into a shop you dont know the layout of, with your eyes closed. And I'm stood at the till counting sheep, some wino bastard wanders in...

"D'yer sell beer, mate?"

I barely nodded in the vague direction of the alcohol,and relished the moment as he slapped his forehead.

Another one was some fool picking up a 4 pack of bud or something, and practically shouting across the shop-

"Four fucking fifty! For one! I aint paying that!"

i didnt even bother to waste my time telling him it was 4 50 (or whatever) for 4 cans not one... yokel.

[Max Kon]

back sack and crack

idiots ;-)