In 3rd place, the very wonderful:
Alski
Twas the night before Gruddmas,
And just for a change,
The Cits in the Meg,
Were being a pain,
The news of the day,
Was a nasty kidnapping,
That of Steve Milliband,
Who was famous for wrapping,
“You mean ‘rapping’” you say,
But don’t be so rash,
As Steve could wrap presents,
With style and panache,
He was currently ranked.
Number one in the world,
And people paid oodles,
To see his ribbons unfurl,
But back to the story -
Steve’s kidnapped - Oh No!
No more crunchy scissors,
No more twinkly bows,
But what is the ransom?
A million creds?
Nothing so vulgar,
Not money - it’s Dredd!
“If you want the geek back,”
They wrote to the press,
“We want to see Dreddy,
In a lovely red dress.”
“You’ve got sixty minutes,
Or we fill him with lead.”
Surely impossible -
A girl’s dress on Dredd?
But those that know Dreddy,
Know he serves only one,
The Law is his master,
His mistress, a gun.
To prize his own dignity,
Above the life of a Cit,
Was just not the way,
And so, he did it!
As the snow pelted down
(A nice Gruddmas treat)
He strode through the city,
Looking dainty, and sweet.
Trying not to giggle,
Was an arduous task,
Until Dredd looked straight at you,
And growled “Don’t ask”,
And just like they promised,
Steve Milliband was free.
Dredd took the dress off,
And all round him was glee.
The perps were not caught,
Not even a wisp,
Although Steve later claimed,
One spoke with a lisp,
And back in his block,
Walter drank his oil neat,
“Mewwy Gwuddmas, dear weaders,
Wevenge is soooo sweet!”
