This is my short story entry this year, but more people probably read this thread!
Trouble At T' Mills
Twas the night before Christmas
(Just for a change)
And in the Twoth office
Things were quite strange
Whilst Ebenezer Mills,
Sat and moaned about the whether
A ghostly apparition
Appeared from the ether
“Whoooaahhhhh!” said the ghost
(and “Helpmaboab!” too)
“Ebeneezer Mills…
I’ve come here for YOU!”
Millsy fell off his chair,
Then leapt up to attack,
But when he saw who it was
Just said “John… you’ve come back!”
For it was his dead partner,
The Pennsylvanian Scot,
Who after a bad haggis,
Had popped his clogs on the spot
And when he’d recovered,
And drawn in a breath
Said “Not a fuckin Dickins spoof!
They’ve been done to death!”
“Well that was sorta the plan”
Wagner admitted in shame
“Wi’ wee ghosties and such shite
But you’re right - it’s quite lame”
“You’d not have done me over”
Said Millsy with a grin
“I loved past Twoth Christmases
And the present’s a win!
“The future? Don’t bother -
I write it each week!”
“Fair enough Pat” said Wagner
“I’d have shat in ma breeks!”
“Ah’m no a good ghostie,”
He wailed in lament
“Have a good life, mate”
He said as he went,
“I know what you need!”
Millsy reached on a shelf
And as the portal was closing
He lobbed a prog 2012
And for many more years,
Wagner’s ghostie was strong,
Filled with Thrill Power,
He spooked on and on
So if you get a visit,
From a deid Scot in a vest
Give him a yearbook
And wish him the best
Beware rotten Haggis
And don’t shed a tear
Just have a Zarjaz Christmas
And a ghafflebete New Year!
