Tight Boots - a cautionary tale

[Generally Contrary]

Summer comes around again and I am reminded of the time I ran away and joined the Fire Brigade.  I lasted a week.  My will was crumbling, I was unsure that I had made the right career decision.  I wanted to do something good, but I was nervous about the regimentation, the surfeit of ex-military types and the lad culture.  So I wore tight boots.  It did nothing for my peace of mind, it simply knackered my feet.  And now, two years later, they are swelling up again.

Joe Dredd must have feet of steel.

[longmanshort]

That'll teach you for copying what you read in comic books! They used to base whole anti-comics campaigns on people like you!! Next you're going to tell me you tried to copy the Human Torch by dousing yourself in petrol and striking a match!

[Generally Contrary]

Luckily, when I tried to fly I found the fall, and subsequent bone smashing impact on the tarmac ten floors down extinguished the fire.

[Art]

Coming soon: post-op photos of my ingrown toenail.

[Generally Contrary]

Does that mean you are currently 'pre-op' Art?

[Art]

nope, just waiting for the bandages to come off so I can see the results...

[Matt Timson]

Ewww...

A bloke down the road has just had both of his big toenails removed (I say 'just', but it was actually about three months ago) and his big toes now look as though they were built out of plasticene.

[Art]

The best bit is when they destroy the nailbed using phenol. After they've removed all the fragments of nail and gunk from in there they get these two sticks with swabs on the end and...

Ah, I'll tell you about it in the chatroom.

But anyway, tight boots - don't do it...

[Matt Timson]

Guh!

[GordonR]

>Coming soon: post-op photos of my ingrown toenail.

Operation?  You wimp.  You're supposed to gnaw it out with your bare teeth.  

That's how a REAL MAN would do it, Art.

[Art]

See, its that kind of thinking that led to it being such a problem in teh first place...

[Mk13]

"Operation? You wimp. You're supposed to gnaw it out with your bare teeth.
That's how a REAL MAN would do it, Art."

Hah, gnawing it out with your bare teeth is for lily-livered wusses. A REAL MAN, like TED NUGENT, would cover his foot with honey and wait for a grizzly bear to come and gnaw his ingrowing toenail out, then kill the bear with is teeth and drag it home, before barbecuing the beast while wearing nothing but the creature's bloodied hide.

Or so I hear.

He'd probably still be caused agony by a hangnail though.

[Trout]

This thread demonstrates perfectly the reason my mother worries about my comics habit.

And it's nothing to do with ingrowing toenails, I might add.

- Trout

[Matt Timson]

Now then- while slurping my tea and munching my toast this morning, I caught a bit of 'Cribs' on MTV and was wondering who the hell Ted Nugent was (as it was his crib that was being featured).

It irritated me that I had no idea who this man was and decided I'd Google the bugger as soon as I logged in, but then promptly forgot his name again- cue much irritation.

Then I see his name again on this thread- only the second time in my life I've ever even been aware of it (and within the same day, no less) and I have to ask the question:

is this synchronicity in action?

Discuss

[Mk13]

>is this synchronicity in action?

No, it's just that Ted Nugent is in fact omnipresent, like Santa, just with more of a tendency to mercilessly hunt down those who have been 'naughty' and pin them to trees with steel-cored hunting arrows.

And in case you were wondering, the 'Nuge' is a veeteran rock musician most famous for the track 'Cat Scratch Fever', though more well known these days for cutting a swathe through the wildlife of the US Southern states and being a poster boy for hunting, and various other liberties Southerners hold dear.

Ted doesn't hold deer, he just shoots 'em.