The Black Dog Thread

[Prodigal2]

I recently did an online questionnaire (on a respectable mental health site, not a shitty Facebook link) and it would seem very likely that I have some form of ADHD.  Having looked into it, I realise it explains a lot about me (extreme absent-mindedness, financial wastefulness, procrastination, depression, lack of punctuality - the list goes on).  I also realise now that my mother very probably has an undiagnosed case of it too, which is where I get it - fortunately for her, and me, she's married to my father, a very reliable, punctual and sensible man.

I haven't had it professionally diagnosed yet but I kind of hope it's true - At least I've finally accepted it's an intrinsic part of my personality, for better or worse.  I realise it will never be cured but have started trying to work around it rather than trying to fix it.  Does anyone else have any experience, advice, etc?

JB best wishes with all this. As a youth worker I developed and was involved in focused work with ADHD young people. I was basically asked to develop it with no background in in it whatsoever and had to involve myself in a huge bit of research and cross organisational work with other youth work providers and health professionals.

Anyhoo mate-take care and the very best to you.

[JayzusB.Christ]

Thanks very much, Prodigal.  I should point out that I still haven't actually been diagnosed as having it, but it does seem very likely now that I know what the symptoms are.  Since I learned about it recently I've made some fairly big improvements in my life already (mostly by just getting myself in the habit of repeated mental memos).

[Hawkmumbler]

I'm back to feeling incredibly lethargic and ultimately aimless right now. My attempts at finding work have proved fruitless, the money I save over the summer is running out fast, and I don't have a clue what i'm doing with my life right now.

Eh, maybe todays just a bad day, but for the first time in a good while I woke up with a very cynicle feeling of 'I just can't be fucking bothered'.

[The Legendary Shark]

I had a big long post, Hawkie, all about living your life your way and not giving in to the idea that your life is a race or a route march and going your own way and not letting the bastards grind you down and find time to have some fun and all shit like that. Anyway, it was trite and obvious so I deleted it.

My best to you, Hawkie. I know you'll find your way.

[Grugz]

didn't you have a job lined up?  I'm a bit like that at the moment ,in a cant be arsed mood sometimes don't even get dressed or eat. maybe its just a blip hawk, hang in there,things do have a way of working out.

[Hawkmumbler]

Thanks chaps. Sadly not, Grugz, only interviews. I'm sure something will come up...

[Tjm86]

I can sympathise Hawk.  It's a nightmare when it kicks in.  I'm working through the terror's at the moment.  One class at school is giving me a hell of a runaround and nothing is working.  It's kicking off the bottom line something chronic.  Two days until I have to face them again and already I'm starting to fret.  This is bonkers!  Anyway, hope you pull out soon.

[TordelBack]

Hate that feeling, Hawk, and I speak as one who has just eaten an entire tub of humous while watching board game reviews on YouTube, despite having twenty million pressing things that need doing. Sometimes it all seems a bit pointless, but you know this'll pass, and you job hunt will pay off eventually.

[Grugz]

you ate humous?  I didn't realise things had gotten so bad!

[TordelBack]

Hearing's going, thought the wife asked if I fancied tasty chicks peeing in the tub. Hey, it's Friday night, thought I.

[Grugz]

i assume there are spcialist websites for that...if only thryllseeker was still here,i bet he had a link!

[Woolly]

For what it's worth, I truly enjoy the occasional day spent without trousers and watching crap on youtube  I can't stand humous though.

Had a bad day on this thread a while back, took the advice given (thanks especially to Jim for his suggestion) and think I'm feeling a bit better these days. Certainly still have the bad days, but now see a bit of light at the end of the tunnel for once. Still not quite drawing yet, but I'm finding myself thinking about drawing more often, so...

Wish I had some good advice for my fellow jobseekers on the board - I'm lucky to be working, but hate the place I'm at if I'm honest. Just taking a break from writing a lengthy 'suitability for the job' bit for a temp position with the council. Which is why this post reads a bit like a massive brain fart.

Sorry, I've really added nothing.
As you were!

[The Legendary Shark]

Life sure is complex. Mine's like a mad god's game of Tetris, sometimes. One where the shuttle isn't going to launch at the end. One that ends with an unusually succinct fart and not a ding-a-ling fanfare.

God but I'm tired.

My life's in the toilet. Maybe not all the way in but at least clinging to the seat. I mostly enjoy my job but what the heck, man. I'm fifty years old and got nothing to show for it except scars. I live in a shed. With a dog. And some spiders.

I can turn my back on the things I believe in and go back, or not. That question plagues me. I never wanted to be here. I wanted to live in a big house with a big family, a big dog and a big car. That was all. Nothing fancy. But instead I got this. Pisses me off, so it does. Gets me down. Black dog comes snapping at the back of my brain and he brings his Bitch Queen with him; Self-doubt, to snuffle about in my hind-brain.

Times like this I go back to first principles. Start with the fundamentals; to be, or not to be. I'm firmly in the to be camp. Feeling a bit better now because that's a positive answer. Question Two, what kind of to be do I want my to be to be? Then it all turns to shit because I don't know and I'm back where I started. Living in a shed with a Jack Russel and some lousy spiders.

And then I count my blessings; at least I've got a shed to live in, some people haven't even got that; I'm relatively healthy but supremely unfit, lots of people are medically knackered; I have a job, the randomness of it a joy and a pain, too many people don't even... Wait a minute, are these measly things the best blessings I can think of? My lazy-arsed attitude to exercise, a job and a shed with a Jack Russel and some spiders in it? Ffs.

But that's one more day of sticking to my path, wherever it might lead on its way to that last great hole in the world. Another one chalked up. No unusually succinct fart today.

God but I'm tired.

[Hawkmumbler]

Stay gold, Sharky, I want to give some advice the same way you've often given ME but sadly I'm not so wise.

Chin up fellow, we'll all get there eventually.

[JayzusB.Christ]

But that's one more day of sticking to my path, wherever it might lead on its way to that last great hole in the world.

I know what you mean - I really hadn't planned to be single, financially struggling and sharing an apartment at 41.  I hadn't really planned anything really; I never wanted to be a middle-aged man so I shut it out of my mind when I was younger. 

But then I think back to 4 years ago, when I was penniless in Beijing, living in a hostel room with 12 other people and spending my days racing round the city from one low-paid job to the next as an illegal worker.  I think of my brother, who now lives full-time in hospital looking after his terminally ill baby.  And my best mate, whose skin cancer has spread to his brain and devastated his health (and appearance for that matter).  And indeed all the people in Aleppo watching their families die and their home city being turned to rubble. 

Things could be a whole lot worse, when you think of it.