Rob Liefeld will draw your story

[Professor Bear]

Apologies if mentioned elsewhere on the board, but I thought I'd throw it up in the creative common.
The Robster gets it in the neck from many comics commentators, but he's a name player and though quiet for the last few months after telling DC to go fuck themselves - and if you have followed his Twitter at all you will be aware that this is not a euphemism but a description of how he specifically tells people like Mike Carlin to go fuck themselves every other day - he's made an offer to wannabe writers to get a short comic story published in one of his comics.

http://robliefeldcreations.com/?p=3314

It's a work for hire gig, and if you've seen how he lets people work with his properties like Supreme, Prophet and Glory, you'll know you can pretty much do whatever you want from straight superhero scraps to deconstructionist tracts.  The 'catch' is you have to use one Liefeld's Extreme characters, but don't think that will limit your potential stories as I heartily recommend checking out Judgment Day, in which Alan Moore created Liefeld-verse analogues for pretty much anyone you can think of, and there's a handy rundown of almost all of them over here: https://sites.google.com/site/scarlettracesannotations/judgementday

[Frank]

Everyone on this board should deluge Liefeld with submissions which detail the adventures of skinny men with enormous feet, perhaps set in a clinic which treats clowns who have eating disorders. This sounds like a fantastic opportunity, though - the board's crawling with folk displaying real artistic potential, aren't there also folk who fancy themselves writers and could take a crack at this? Pro Bear's identification of Moore's bout of character-creating satyriasis seems like a really good place to start.

[Professor Bear]

It's a fantastic opportunity for unknown writers, and given the scope of analogues of existing characters on Liefeld's roster, I would go so far as to say that any story writers are developing right now could be hammered into a shape that fits in somewhere: got an idea for a Silver Age Supergirl story?  Use Suprema.  Got a Conan story?  Bram the Beserk.  Captain America?  Agent America and/or Fighting American and/or Superpatriot.  Been developing a potential Future Shock?  Prophet.

[Frank]

Still no takers? I'm no Anal Moore, and all I really know how to do is take the pish - maybe we should crowd source a submission from the entire board? Everyone contribute a line or a panel idea until we have five or six pages worth of subtly sending up Liefeld and Image/Extreme comics.

I was thinking about this at work today, and I had the idea of trying to tell the history of Image and its offshoots - the rebellion against Marvel, becoming millionaires overnight by stealing Marvel's clothes and issuing a never-ending series of first issues, the fall-outs among themselves, and The Walking Dead - using Liefeld's characters in place of the comic creators. You know, a team fall out story where the rebel members come back as thinly disguised versions of Darkblood and Powerstrong, or whatever Liefeld characters are called. I've never read a Liefeld book in my life, so I could do with some help.

We'd need to find a Liefeld creation who could serve as an Anal Moore anlaogue for a start ...

[Zarjazzer]

Liefield has his knockers and looking at his drawing of most females you can  see why.

meanwhile on with the nineties style story-

GianT Sadism (a blue Hulk) , Bloodspurt (da cool ninja one with knives etc), and Virgin Annihilator (don't ask) are in their swanky secret base in the middle of non descript city of US Imperialism when their zany alien friend Pixie Hump contacts them using whatever powers are required for this story.(I use the term "story" loosely), Dr Badguy and his obvious cronies have turned the local schoolchildren into zombie alien hybrids in the way you do if you want to lose to the (anti)-heroes.

So the Savager Squad or Terminal Blastaars or whatever their name is go a blasting the schoolchildren,vaporising and melting them and chopping them up like a bunch of spree killers led by Charles Manson.

And then Pixie Hump contacts the guys with unfortunate info.They've hit the wrong school and have massacred them all for nothing. And the punchline from Bloodspurt?

"I never liked kids".

So they get to do it all again next week.

Okay maybe it wasn;t quite as bad as this in the nineties. And I still kinda like Brigade and all those other insane "heroes".

But it was pretty close.

[Frank]

My brother's pal was well into Image, and I remember one splash page (there were lots of those, weren't there?) featured a team of characters dropping into a Middle Eastern city, gritting their teeth and yelling that they were going to take out a dictator called Kussain, because he was "threatening American interests". This did not appear to be ironic.

We'd have top work Kussain in somehow, maybe showing him discovered hiding in a hole underground and hanged, maybe being shot through the head in his Pakistani mansion - then growing hundreds of tiny little heads (some African) which bite our heroes on the arses and make them retreat into isolation.

[Zarjazzer]

Those were the days! When comics were mostly plot free and had no time for tiresome stuff like dialogue other than "Spartan! Aaagh! Ca...can't....think...straight..." which seemed to sum it all up. And where creators were free to pursue whatever paranoid delusions and fantasies they had. Thank goodness those days are gone.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holy_Terror_%28graphic_novel%29

[Professor Bear]

Didn't late-80s Superman fly into a middle eastern country called Quarac and destroy all their weapons?  Then he confronted the president of Quarac - a mustached type in a uniform - and told him that he didn't have any proof of wrongdoing, but that Quarac had just better watch it - then he fucked off back to Metropolis and the rest of the issue played out as normal.

All the same, I don't see why superheroes jumping into a foreign capital to take someone down is any different than their jumping into downtown Los Angeles to take down a drug dealer.  Taken at face value, the superhero comic is inherently political as it's about the use of power to enforce a political or social agenda upon the populace, and at the very least it represents the idea of removing the monopoly upon the use of violence that is enjoyed by the state and placing that power in the hands of an individual.  Isn't that a political statement about the society that created such a fiction?

Anyway, I was gutted that Liefeld's Forearm (he has four arms) is owned by Marvel, as that's my one bloody idea out the window now and yes it involved him wanking four guys off at once.

[JOE SOAP]

Will he paint my house?

[HdE]

Anyway, I was gutted that Liefeld's Forearm (he has four arms) is owned by Marvel, as that's my one bloody idea out the window now...

Hey, no, wait up - I'm actually kindo finterested in that--

...and yes it involved him wanking four guys off at once.

Ah.

[sheldipez]

Will he paint my house?

As long as it doesn't have feet I bet he'd do a good job

[Jimmy Baker's Assistant]

This is supposed to be a prize?

Really?

[Professor Bear]

I've worked in the small press for years, so yeah, someone paying me actual money to make comics would most definately be a good thing.  The creator-owned thing is a mug's game.

[Spaceghost]

Rob Liefeld will draw your story

But I don't want him to.

[CrazyFoxMachine]

This is all starting to sound more like a punishment than an opportunity