BAD CITY BLUE
Hi everyone, my name is Tharg, and I'm an alcoholic.
Thank you... it's been seventeen years since my last drink. I remember it well, it was a glass of MacMac I got from a pointy headed trucker. Hoo boy it was strong, and I decided there and then I'd never drink again, but you all know that story, right?
It all started in the mid Seventies when I landed on this planet. I guess I should point out to new people that this isn't a mask, it's really me. Okay, I know it looks like someone painted a neantherthal mask green and stapled a brooch and pony tail to it but what can you do - Tornado comic had to live with the world's most unconvincing superhero as their editor. Hey, you should see what I used to wear in those days – should have called me boiler suit bobby not Tharg The Mighty.
Anyway, there I was in seventy six, and I decided the planet needed saving from thrill suckers. Seriously! Well, I say seriously but it was all bollocks. That said the mugs at IPC bought it hook, line and sinker and let me start a comic up. Remember this was the seventies, IPC would let you start a comic based on Andy Capp's son if you spun them a good enough yarn.
So I decided I'd do a science fiction comic because, you know, I'm a frickin' alien and all. Been there, done that, got the Rosette Of Sirius, right? I got this dope smoking genius called Mills to run it for me, and this guy was dynamite. We decided to call it 2000AD because it sounded very cool and futuristic.
You know what? It worked. We were a hit, and everything was going well, but in the Nineties I developed a serious polystyrene cup habit, plus cocaine and booze as well. Things went a little mental – I filled the comic up with shite like The Space Girls, Urban Strike and A Life Less Ordinary, and at one point I turned the whole shebang over to a bunch of those men In Black arseholes. Oh yeah – they're real too, except in real life they are complete and utter tossers. They took my comic and shat all over it whilst I crawled into the bottle.
Eventually I managed to come to my senses and realized that I needed to sort everything out, to be Mighty again and not just another addict. I spanked the Men In Black with a few well placed Rigellian hotshots, then got a new publisher who actually gave a toss about the comic. That was in 2000, and I haven't drunk, shot up or nibbled a polystyrene cup since.
My glorious organ, settle down at the back, just celebrated forty years in print, and I am still the Mightiest of editors. If you take nothing else from my story take this – no matter how down you are, you can always stage a Rebellion.